It's been a year, and it has been like a billion years. It is like I am lost, and cannot be found. It has been sweet bitter, words cannot express the way I feel. It has been darkness and little light to see. I keep asking myself why I am still in the same situation I can get myself out of. Not like I am afraid or anything it just seems hard. And so God that's when you come in, because I can't do anything on my own.

Nothing has changed since the beginning. Really I just thought about it and realised that it's still the same. I can't be hanged out with cause" it not church".........lol yeah. That was really painful for that to come out of a mouth of a friend. I really don't understand why I am in this really. We have nothing in common. It's strange, how did a year pass so smoothly? ............. Oh I just realised it was hell. Trust me it was.

I feel trapped in a bottle in the middle of the sea, the only consoling thing is that it will someday get to shore, I really do not know how long it will take but it will surely get to the shore. You don't cheat you just hang out with friends and have fun, real fun, one that you can never have with me and I am happy about that. Because I know it will be one I will regret for the rest of my life.

But you know I am happy. I have cried enough, I don't think any tear will like to come out because of you any longer. Funny that my tears have actually gotten used to the kind of pain u inflict on me. There is always nothing to be said, we only talk for a long time once a blue moon. Must times it is short and brief, must time it is as if you just want to get talking to me done with, why? When you tuck to other people it's as if the conversation should never end, I don't have a problem about that but at least talk to me that way so I can feel I am a little bit important to you.

That has been my one year experience, one I don't think I will ever forget in my life. One also I had no regrets because I know who you are and can deal with people like you in the future. Thank you for this experience.

A worthless Sacrifice

I try my best, I know I have

I will still try my best until I get there

I do not know what I am expected to do

Because you want me to do something contrary

I know I am not perfect, I just aim towards perfection

I need to be corrected for I am only human

 

I can't get better if I am not corrected

I need someone to help me move forward

I don't want to be stagnant, I need change

That I what life is all about,

But I can't always figure out my mistakes

But if you do please let me know

For I promise to me a better person

 

I have sacrificed all I can

I do all these because I met you

I would never take certain steps

But I did because I met you

I have sacrificed a lot, yes I have

I do things I will never do for myself

Do you known that? I think and do things

Because I try to make you happy

You would never understand.

 

I know one thing is that I have never being honest with you

To tell you what I really feel,

And what my mind goes through.

Do you know how much I try?

I have sacrificed a lot for you

But I can see all that going into the drain.

 

 

The Perfect Man the Crawling Child

He is the master, he is perfect

He is never wrong, he is perfect

He can never admit his mistakes

You are wrong because he is perfect

He sees, knows and understands what you do,

Is that possible? He is perfect.

 

He is as mighty as the mountain that has an endless peak

You can never understand, because he is perfect.

Can I be perfect? But head towards perfection.

Prudently, with knowledge might help, that I know.

I feel I can still head towards perfection

But he can't take it I must be perfect.

 

I am blind, I need a leader

I am a baby, I need to learn how to walk and talk

I need to know my left from my right

I need to learn how to tell a truth from a lie

But I can't do it on my own that is why I have a friend.

 

Someone who will correct me

Someone who leads me through life

Someone who tells me when I go wrong

And helps me improve

I can't improve on my own because I am not perfect

I feel I have tried to learn but I have done nothing

But say "nonsense" yes that is what I say to him

He is perfect. How will I help my present situation?

That question is yet to be answered.

It's getting clear!!!!

I am pissed but not so pissed u know what I have nothing to say I am out of words. It’s like I should be swallowed up by the earth. I can get myself out of this but it just seems too difficult, but I know I will do that someday. I just need to, I have butterflies in my stomach, they are flapping everywhere and it’s not because I am nervous it because I am so angry I can seem so do anything about it.

It is killing me. Something must be done. I can’t be humiliated; I am not even respected by people I should gain respect from one person I know that would do all it takes to make me happy. I have to let it out. I think I am going crazy. I taut I loved but I don’t think I do. He says he loves but I don’t think he does. Well, he never says love, he says “ok”, even when I say it, it’s as if I am tucking to an inanimate object as if I am not even tucking to a human. And once in a purple sun he says it n I don’t seem to feel it.

I hear n I pretend nothing is happening, people say things, people who know and people who have no idea or have a clue who he is say “what are u doing with him?” once I heard “divorce him!” ...lol not like I am married to him or anything. I really not know what to do not like he pays any attention if I am not happy about what I hear or even see. It just feels rather awkward. No girl in her right sense will ever go thru dis. Bu it don’t know why I don’t regret?

If you love you will respect.

If you care you will love.

They see me in u

But they never see u in me.

I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what to believe

I think I am going crazy

I know I am crazy

I thought love conquers all

I know love conquers all

But I do not see it in this Love

Neither do I feel it.

What do u think of me?

What do u believe about me?

Am I one of them?

Do u think I am one of them?

Am I in the wrong page?

Can u bring me back?

Or can I bring u back?

What is happening?

It like I am going crazy

Or I have turned crazy

Will I have feelings if I were crazy?

Will I pray if I were crazy?

Have I being dreaming?

Please if I have I would rather not be awaken in other to see how this is all going to end.

We are all afraid of what the end might hold because when you get to the end of what use the hope may be. I wonder a times about this. That is why we can never know the end and if we do we never know when it would end.